Sunday, July 02, 2006

Women and Work

Being in a relationship is an uncertain phase in one's life. A couple cannot promise a happy ending yet they can smooth the phase along the way with the elements of understanding and honesty. However, to understand your partner is such a mounting task. To know a person in the earlier stage is just the tip of the iceberg and one has to play along the time to get his or her true picture of personality. A sweet beginning in one's relationship is not a cornerstone for the future happiness. In light of this issue, I found an interesting article written by Jim Sulski, a Chicago-based freelance writer. Read, you may -


Brendan and Sharon had been dating since the late 1980s, when they met in college. Every holiday, every birthday, every major event, Sharon was on pins and needles. Would Brendan finally pop the question, produce a ring and ask her to marry him? And every holiday, every birthday, every major event, he didn’t.

Friends began to scoff at her and her family reminded her that her biological clock was clicking away.

On a cold winter morning, Sharon came to a harsh but honest realization. Brendan just wasn’t the marrying kind. She got the courage to ask him why. “It turns out he still had deep emotional scars from his parents’ divorce when he was a child,” she says. “He felt that marriage was too risky, too painful—so why bother?”

Sharon suggested counseling and even a trial period of living together, but Brendan wouldn’t budge. After more than a decade of dating, Sharon broke it off with Brendan. “I realized he truly wasn’t the marrying type and that wasn't going to change,” she says. “I just wish I’d known sooner.”

In addition to coming from divorced parents, there are others reasons why some guys aren’t cut out for marriage. Consider these other signs that a man is a confirmed bachelor… and if you’re dating a fella whose description follows, you might want to pack up your tent the way Sharon finally did:

He needs his space - Some men aren’t comfortable sharing their space and possessions with a woman, let alone the sticky, smelly children that may come along. Here are a few signs that he prefers to be isolated: He’s a perfectionist, he’s extremely well-organized and his place is cleaner and better decorated than yours is. He needs lots of time to read. He doesn’t want to be disturbed at all when watching the History Channel or the playoffs. You get the picture.

He’s married to his work - Some guys live to work, not work to live. If his job is ever present, whether it’s frequent business trips or constant shop talk, chances are the job will take priority over a marriage. “Bill made it clear that if we even talked about marrying, the relationship would be built around his work,” says Barb, an accountant. “That was ironic, in that I made more money than he did.” For some men, though, the relationship has to wrap itself around the job. They cancel dinner plans with another couple when work beckons and just can’t make it out of town on Labor Day because they need to catch up on paperwork. If that’s how he approaches his life, do you really want to buy into that?

He’s been married before and got burned - Some guys refuse to look at their failed marriage as a “starter marriage” and instead are reluctant to saddle up again. A trial period together may help, but he’ll need a lot of pampering and therapy to get over his shell shock. And some men embody the “once burned, twice shy” saying. If he’s always referring to his ex with a variety of put-downs and expletives, you are probably with a guy who’s too angry to move forward. Also, a guy who’s paying alimony may be feeling as if he never again wants to be financially vulnerable in that way. “I once got serious with a guy who was previously married and his big fear was being driven into bankruptcy again,” recalls Marcia. “That’s what kept him away from the altar.”

He has gray hair, but he’s still a 22-year-old emotionally - Some guys never get past the incredible feeling of independence that comes with being able to stay up as late as they would like to, eat whatever they want, drop their dirty laundry wherever they want and not get yelled at. That’s a hard pattern to break. If his “boys” call the shots on the weekend, if being hung-over many mornings is fine with him, and if paying his taxes is something you have to orchestrate for him, well, your bachelor may be destined to stay that way.

Hmm, as my friend Ibrahim quoted when we discussed about love and women in Subang few days ago; The chase is always better than the catch - Metallica. I shall say it depends on one's priority in the argument between career building and love. Do not let love blinded us, we shall keep the initial sweet lasts long.

Furthermore, my friend Azhar gave his opinion; in a relationship we shall not follow the upward sloping curve which when it reaches its maximum point it will move downwards. It is better to have a perfectly horizontal demand curve which ensures the stability rather than former curve. A good woman is for a good man. An understanding woman is for an understanding man.


1 comment:

shasha said...

yes, u are perfectly right!
i agree with u bro... thanks and i appreciate very much for all the advice given to me eversince i know u ;))