Thursday, August 31, 2006

Sex Joke

I laughed when I read these portions from the book Almost French by Sarah Turnbull.

Would like to share with the readers - hehe

Excerpt: After we've finished eating, Frederic pats his coat pocket, his eyes skimming the room, searching for something. This is a familiar routine. I now know that when Frederic told me in Bucharest he was 'maniac' he meant he was obsessively tidy. Keeping everything in perfect order - shirts stacked in a colour-coded pile, the bed neatly made each morning- is his way of restraining his natural disorderliness. But it's as though he's still surprised by his tidy habits. Frederic can never recall the thoughtful places where he puts things away.

I think I know what he's looking for - one of his pipes. "Tu veus une pipe?" I ask.

It takes less than a split second to realise that my question is not quite right. Not right at all, in fact, judging by the four male faces which freeze in surprise before cracking into hooting, helpless laughter. Without even meaning to, I have been fabulously funny. This is my first joke in French - the first time since my arrival that I've managed to make an entire table laugh - and it seems a bit unfair that I don't get it.

"Where can I find an Australian girlfriend?" wheezes one guest, appreciatively.

The French language is full of double entendre. Although toilet humour is considered poor taste in France, sex-related witticisms are acceptable in virtually any social setting. Sustaining linguistic volleys of naughty innuendo is a national sport. Sometimes these word games are subtle and sophisticated. But often the banter is ribald and silly - a bit like Frederic's joke about peeing off the Pont des Arts. 'Pipe' is the sort of word which ping-pongs across dinner tables. Although it shares the innocent English meaning, in French it also has a more risque definition. Had I said ta pipe - your pipe - it might not have been so funny. But as it is, I have just offered Frederic a blow job :)

Merdeka

(Coretanku ditemani lagu orkestra Di Mana Kan Ku Cari Ganti)

Di sebalik citrawarna kehujanan bunga-bunga api yg aku saksikan dari tempat kumenghirup aroma kopi menjelang jam 12 malam semalam, hati kecilku bertanya - apakah erti kemerdekaan yang sebenarnya? Aku melihat anak-anak bangsa dari pelbagai kaum dari pelbagai warna kulit menghiasi malam di sekitar KLCC dengan satu warna bendera tanahairku, Malaysia. Turut menyerikan suasana kehadiran pelancong-pelancong asing yang turut sama meraikan semangat kebangsaan negara tercintaku.

Aku terpegun dengan hujan-hujan warna berlatarkan langit malam yang terang, tetapi adakah aku pegun dengan kemerdekaan ini? Walaupun umur aku hanyalah separa jagung ulangtahun, aku masih tertanya-tanya, apakah kemerdekaan yang sebenarnya? Inkuiriku bertanya kepada ayahandaku beberapa hari yang lalu, siapakah yang memperjuangkan kemerdekaan kita sebenar-benarnya? Guru-guru dan penulis-penulislah yang erti penat dan putus asa tidak wujud dalam diari hidup mereka, yang terus menyuarakan perjuangan, yang terus mendaulatkan jati diri dan hak-hak bangsa Melayu, yang tidak tunduk di bawah telunjuk-telunjuk kuasa kolonilah - pejuang-pejuang sebenar yang patut tercatit di dalam buku sejarah kita. Bukannnya pemimpin yang menjadi boneka melaungkan laungan kosong, dan bukanlah pemimpin yang tunduk di bawah telunjuk jari-jemari koloni yang bermandi air kotor dengan pegangan kolot 'white men are always right'.

Kemerdekaan ini dipotraitkan dengan bangunan-bangunan yang mencakar langit dek indah dihiasi dengan lampu-lampu malam, infrastruktur yang tersergam megah bagaikan istana kayangan Babylon, ya! Aku bangga dengan semua pencapaian ini. Lagi tinggi banggaku ini jikalau kesemua pencakar-pencakar langit ini mempotraitkan keharmonian rakyat yang miskin dan kesedaran rakyat yang kaya, ketulusan terhadap cara yang sistematik dan kebencian kepada rasuah, dan pencakaran mentaliti kelas pertama yang dipamerkan oleh rakyat-rakyat Malaysia. Aku impikan pencakaran bangunan minda yang tidak buang sampah merata-rata, sifat cintai tandas-tandas awam, senyuman terhadap pelanggan, lafaz terima kasih, nilai murni membuka pintu untuk orang lain, dan keutamaan terhadap pejalan-pejalan kaki di laluan negara kita.

Alangkah bersyukurnya aku jikalau siswa-siswi dalam dan luar negara diberikan landasan demokrasi untuk menyuarakan pendapat, kerana inilah generasi yang menjadi 'beacon of flame' untuk negara pada masa akan datang. Yang akan menentukan hala tuju dan perjalanan polisi-polisi untuk mencapai taraf negara maju, seperti yang dilaungkan oleh para pemimpin dari dulu hingga sekarang, yang tidak lekang dek hujan dan panas, yang aku harapkan bukanlah hanya tin kosong yang tiada gunanya. Janganlah dikunci mulut ini kerana gentarkan manusia dan sayangkan kuasa, janganlah dibutakan hati kami, kerana kami pelajar bangsa berjanji, di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit darah bangsa kami dijunjung.

Merdekakah kita apabila hak-hak keistimewaan Islam dan Melayu yang dimaktubkan di dalam perjanjian kemerdekaan dipersoalkan dan dicabul oleh badan-badan yang buta lagi kabur yang berlagak bagaikan helang di langit tinggi padahal hanyalah seekor burung gagak yang lapar berterbangan mencari mangsa?

Merdekakah kita sebenarnya? Natijahnya, tidak sempurna merdeka kita jikalau apa yang aku coretkan di atas adalah benar dan hanya disambut dengan mata-mata pesimis yang hanya merugikan negara kita sendiri. Salahkah aku menyuarakannya?

Marilah kita mengambil iktibar daripada penindasan kuasa pada tahun 1988, yang menyebabkan Tun Salleh Abbas menjadi kabur dan hilang di tengah lautan perhakiman negara apabila beliau dilucutkan jawatan kerana memperjuangkan hak yang benar, sehingga beliau mengatakan "I was so disillusioned by the judiciary system till I told my children and grandchildren not to learn law".

Sama sama kita menganjakkan paradigma, membuka mata dan fikiran seluas lautan Pasifik, mengimpikan Malaysia mengembalikan kegemilangan Andalusia yang terletak di tangan-tangan yang sedar akannya.

Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan ke -49.

And this is the first and the last for me to write about our Independence Day.

Kepada bondaku yang berada di London pada masa ini dan ayahandaku yang sedang mendendangkan lagu Frank Sinatra, anakanda dengan ikhlasnya menguntaikan ucapan terima kasih kerana me'merdeka'kan diriku ini :)

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

From Kuala Lumpur to Monterrey

A new acquaintance from Mexico who is now practising as a doctor in Monterrey, north of Mexico (It is near Guadalupe. Source: Reader's Digest World Atlas). A friendly woman and her sense of profesionalism captures my degree of respect. Besides, her awareness of the ongoing global news arrived to her curiosity regarding the expulsion of Petronas in the oil concession in Chad; which I found further analysis of news is a must.

A woman doctor will always be respectable in the eyes of the public.

Now I am learning the Spanish language bit by bit, upon Eunice's favour; or she is more comfortable to be called Niza.

Bonito dia = have a nice day
Dulces suenos = goodnight
Como estas = how are you
Estoy bien = i'm good

Terima kasih Doctor Niza. All the best in your career :)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Monday, 21 Aug 2006

7.30 am: I went to Mont Kiara Medical Centre KLCC early this morning to arrange for my medical checkup appointment. Had an early, solitary breakfast at Coffee Bean soon after while catching up with the latest news by reading the newspaper, metaphorically my usual curtain-raiser of the day.

I took a cab back home, driven by a young Indian man. The sombre, with a bit of forlorn mood of most KL citizens in the morning was not the obvious reflection from his face. I decided to break the flame of silence in the cab by initating an informal conversation with him; I asked about his previous passengers and where did he send them to. As the guard of prejudism and self security has been laid down, the initial chat that seemed pointless arrived to a topic that I least expected from him - The dream castle built upon the heart of Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K.

His explanation and positive views on the publicly-surreal marriage to most Malaysians awed me with the sense of respect towards him. He said let them choose the life that they believe in together, let us drain away the negative thinking as they are also human beings who only themselves know what is the best for them. Their personal matters and intangible issues preceeding the latter's divorce are not our garden to walk into.

I told the driver, yes. Let the garden blooms with colourful flora, the pouring rain will add the ambience of harmony if God permits; for the passers-by to cherish, and to ponder on what is good and bad in a marriage. Every marriage has its ups and downs, the pivot of a successful marriage is how a husband juggles them with his wife to let the ups prevail based on the experience of downs.

As Amrose Bierce quoted - Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage, and I added - with a good and successful woman :)

The sight of my dearest abode marked the sad end of this unexpected-yet-enriching conversation with this wonderful acquaintance whom humility prevails in him. I bid; Thank you Sir. Hope to meet you again in the future.

Pour de l'amore Siti Nurhaliza et Datuk K; my wish of future happiness is echoed by "Selamat mendirikan mahligai hidup suami isteri hehe. Tawanan hati terpaut di buaian indah seorang wanita yang berjaya apabila mahligai menyeru masanya"

Let them speak.
Let them talk.
Most people see grey in times of imaginating oneself in other people's shoes.
I see blue, I see red too in my willingness in analysing this wonderful issue. I prefer the former, based on my incompleteness of a human being which God knows the best for one's happiness.

:)

Now, let us pray for the disruption of the IFC. Not to forget, the evil-driven NGOs. You know which one. Yes.

S'il vous plait (svp) - Please response and show the dissatisfaction citizens.

European Flame

An old book, the second reading:

1. The Flame Tree by Yang-May Ooi - Sybil commented; "A highly-charged, highly-readable thriller. It's also a fine portrait of a young Asian woman struggling to establish her own identity in Western society... Set against the contrasting backdrops of well-heeled London legal life and the lush, tropical highlands of Malaysia, the novel is a gripping, intelligent debut masterpiece from a writer with a future"

A new book, a new perspective:

2. I just bought it at Kinokuniya KLCC. Almost French: A New Life in Paris by Sarah Turnbull. As the writer wrote; "I left Australia hoping to cram a lifetime of adventures into one unforgettable year. Instead, I ended up with a new life. I'd taken one year's leave from my job as a television reporter in Sydney to travel around Europe. The idea was to immerse myself in fascinating foreign cultures, to work as a freelance journalist in Eastern Europe, which in my mind bubbled with unwritten, hard-hitting stories"

As George Moore quoted (1873-1958) - "A man travels the world in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it"

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tiara's Touch

Venue: Istana Budaya

Writer's impression : Marvellous.

Heart-thumping.

Ear-catching music.

Tremendous Malay historical outshone.

Artistic and energetic theatrical display by Tiara Jacquelina, Stephen Rahman Hughes, Adlin Aman Ramli, AC Mizal, and the rest of the performers.

As Afdlin Shauki said, " Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical is BEST GILER BABS!! OUTSTANDING MALAYSIAN ACHIEVEMENT! TAK TENGOK RUGI KODOK!!! " ;P

Tiara's touch completed my night.

Kudos to the impresario, for making it happened too.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Spanish Música

Another ordinary Saturday, but painted by the visit from my cousins who are now on holidays from Amsterdam.

Another new album to my delight - Sigo Siendo Yo by Marc Anthony and Grandes Exitos.

Another Spanish album recommended by father - Juanes.

Valio La Pena :)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Just a Joke

The whimsical side of my father blew the air of cloud nine during our dinner time, added the joy to the usual respectful exuberant mood.

He said - I received a text message from a friend of mine saying that as Datuk K bought a new City in contrast to Datuk E who bought a second hand Tiara, the latter shall pay a respect to the former.

My father replied - Eventhough Datuk E bought a second hand Tiara, he has Puteri Gunung Ledang as the driver ;)))))

And while eating my favourite ikan terubok, my heart smiled from ear to ear.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A Voter

Triple plate was my lunch for today in KLCC.

Had my lunch overlooking the park, in deep but joyous conversation with Muzzie and my ex-roommate during my first year in university, Nabil.

One thing for sure - I am eligible to vote for the next election as I took the opportunity to sign up at the Suruhanjaya Pilihanraya booth at Level G.

My responsibility, and it applies to all of you too.

* I saw Anthony Eusoff, the Bidayuh lad who carved the limelight to his name through the modelling and theather world (it was such a coincidence as I just read about him in the newspaper few days back) . Not to forget, the tall Malay girl who hosts the 3R tv show eating at the same place *

I do not know her name ;( Any feminism school of believers, help me? ;P

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Hail Hizbullah

I was in The Saujana Kuala Lumpur for a night last few weeks, accompanied my mother attending her business conference. Surrounded by green forest in the vicinity of Subang Airport, I had my own sweet time in the well furnished and decorated room. My solitary time was occupied by listening to the CNN and BBC, my mind was searching for the root cause of the Israeli attacks on Lebanon.

The Israelis claimed that the attacks are on their rightwill as two of their soldiers have been captured by Hizbullah. The attacks on southern Lebanon and the most destructive of all on Qana which hundreds of children have been killed are unequal to the captive of their soldiers; which still has to be justified and my common sense tells me : we do not need to use a sledgehammer to kill a fly, I believe.

With in depth interest of the Middle East conflict I had heaps of readings on the Internet to do the analysis. I came to a conclusion, the Zionism regime and its allied the United States of America represented by the blind Condoleezza Rice have their own capitalism interest to control the wealth of the oil and to bring the new prospect of satellite countries in the Middle East, under their own dirty hands.

An ustaz told me it has been said that in the Koran; God has said that the Jewish will never ever be pleased with the Muslims and even other religions as their stupidity has been proven in the history of our prophets. They believe that the world belongs to them, a dream that only they cherish every night of their lives.

The leaders of the OIC are weak, instead of voicing out and taking drastic measures to punish the Israel of damaging the international laws they just resorted to have a conference that I believe is fruitless. Pray is the only solution for the normal citizens like us.

PLO is just an invicible organisation with a name now, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Jordan have been bribed by the Rice team, and it lefts to Syria and Iran now.

Keep on defending the country, Hizbullah - an eye is for an eye.

Soon it is going to be the D-Day for the innocents ones, and I wonder what is the role of the Perdana Peace Global Forum that I attented last year on this matter?

Below is the letter written by Khairy Jamaluddin to the blind woman, Condoleezza Rice :

Madam Secretary: YOU were and remain unwelcome in Malaysia because you really should have been elsewhere. You should have gone straight from Rome to Beirut and then to Damascus in order to secure an immediate ceasefire to Israel’s brutal attacks on Lebanon.

But then, you’re not interested in a ceasefire, right? You had a chance a few days ago in Rome to agree to an immediate cessation of violence, but you were having none of that.

Two weeks ago, at the United Nations, Qatar sponsored a Security Council resolution that demanded Israel withdraw its troops from Gaza, another killing field that you have encouraged your ally to create, but you had to exercise your first veto in almost two years. In fact, you were the only country in the Security Council to exercise the veto.

It seems clearer by the day and as more innocent Lebanese and Palestinian lives are obliterated by weapons made in your country and supplied on a fast-track basis to Israel that you are not interested in peace in the region.

It is, therefore, not surprising that your inaction is regarded as acquiescence to the murder of civilian populations and wanton destruction of property, infrastructure and livelihoods.

Your continued refusal to call for a halt to the violence and intervene in the crisis is tantamount to giving Israel the green light to continue butchering its way to an end no one quite knows.

Israel’s own Justice Minister said, "We received... at the Rome conference permission from the world to continue the operation."

I cannot begin to tell you how offensive that statement is. Are you and your ally, Israel, so delusional as to think that the world supports this destruction of Lebanon and attack on Gaza? Do you think we are stupid enough to buy the spin that Hizbollah and Hamas are to be blamed for the escalation in violence?

What about decades of neglect and disenfranchisement of the Palestinian people, who are denied a sovereign nation and driven from their own lands?

What about 18 years of the brutal and bloody occupation of southern Lebanon by Israeli forces?

What about US foreign policy in the Middle East which has continued to abet and support Israeli intransigence and violence?

What the world sees is a massively disproportionate response by Israel to the capture of one Israeli soldier in Gaza and two in southern Lebanon.

What about the 10,000 Palestinian political prisoners languishing in Israeli jails or the thousands of Lebanese who suffered unspeakable torture at the prison in Khiam?

If they respond for every Palestinian or Lebanese captured and tortured with the same ferocity that the Zionist regime has shown over three soldiers, Israel would be flattened and Israelis will cease to exist.

That is how disproportionate Israel’s response has been. The atrocious and dastardly attacks, especially on the Lebanese people, are acts of state terrorism. There is nothing that separates Israel and al-Qaeda, no fine distinction between Osama bin Laden and Ehud Olmert.

As far as the Malaysian people are concerned, Israel is a terrorist state with its hands stained with the blood of innocent Lebanese and Palestinians. Israel is responsible for severe war crimes, committed in cold blood without mercy and without differentiating enemy combatants and civilians. There is no other way to describe such an evil and despicable country that commits indiscriminate murder in front of the entire world than as a terrorist state.

As an ally of Israel, the US was presented with the moral obligation of stopping these atrocities. And yet you have not.

You have implied in your silence and stalling that Israel must be given the time to achieve its aims. But what are its aims? The world is told that Israel’s brutal bombings are to take out Hizbollah’s installations. But the world can smell your bulls... from a mile away. Are convoys of Lebanese families fleeing their homes, enemy installations?

People running for safety have been killed by American-made Israeli bombs. Are people rushing to safety with babies and young children considered enemy combatants? Are they?

But I know this does not trouble you. You have become so desensitised to seeing innocent people butchered. You even have a cold, heartless term for those who die at the hands of this brutality — collateral damage. The people who have been killed are not collateral damage. They have been murdered by a country that you continue to protect and support.

You know that Lebanon is just emerging from decades of civil war and rebuilding a better future for its people. Israel’s obliteration of Lebanese homes, bridges, airports and other infrastructure has taken the country a decade back in terms of development.

It has successfully radicalised a new generation of Lebanese youth for whom revenge is now a categorical imperative. In short, Israel has done your dirty work in leaving behind another failed state in the region to join the likes of Iraq and Afghanistan.

The extent of your hypocrisy is sickening. You claim to want to support the spread of democracy in the Middle East. But when election results throw up leaders whom you find unacceptable, you punish the very people you have supposedly liberated with elections.

You announce to the world that you are alarmed by the humanitarian crisis in Lebanon but you continue to deliver weapons to Israel to inflict the very suffering that you supposedly decry. Is it any wonder that so many people in the world hate your Government? You have absolutely no sense of integrity let alone a commitment to justice.

You want the world to fight terrorism with you. We sympathised with the people of the US in the aftermath of 9/11, but with your invasion of Afghanistan, Iraq and now with you abetting the murder of the Lebanese and Palestinians, you have not just depleted any goodwill you had but you have also sunk to the level of terrorists yourselves.

You cannot possibly expect billions of youth around the world watching this massacre on their TV screens to subscribe to the war against terror.

What Israel has done and what you have condoned will be responsible for a wave of Muslims who will cross the lines and rationality and tolerance and want to see your destruction. This is your doing. You are pushing so many into the arms of the extremists because of your immorality and absolute disdain towards the sanctity of innocent lives.

As you probably heard during our demonstration outside the conference hall yesterday, those who are angry with you and despise Israel are not just Muslims. Malaysians regardless of race and religion gathered to protest this senseless violence. The entire world — and not just the Muslim world — is against you.

One day, and I pray that day will come soon, the majority of nations will gang up against you. You strut around the world like a big, fat bully with a couple of snotty sidekicks making life a living hell for the rest of us. But one day, we will realise that there is safety in numbers. One day the majority of kids being bullied in the playground will turn against you and no one will come to your defence because you have no real friends. One day, we will all rise to teach you a lesson that is long overdue — that the injustice, discrimination and double standards must stop. We will build a newer world order based on justice and equality of nations. Until that day arrives, you will be despised. Make no mistake about it. In the meantime, please take your blood-stained hands back to the region and do the right thing.

You have the power and influence to save the lives of the Lebanese and Palestinians. Repent now and atone for your sins. For if you do not by the grace of God you will get what you deserve, in this life or the next.

Yours sincerely,Khairy Jamaluddin

The writer is an investment banker and deputy head of Barisan Nasional Youth.